I had the opportunity to attend a Celebration of Life for a friend from childhood who passed away this fall. He suffered a sudden heart attack and passed away after a time in hospital. My heart broke for his wife and two sons. The last time I had seen him, at a high school reunion, he brought his sons and we met at another friend’s home for a pre-party before attending the reunion. Very charming and good looking boys. Just like their dad.

Since high school reunions have their own very interesting dynamic, they really are yet another obligatory activity, much like the traditions of American high school itself. Even though my high school senior class held a reunion every five years, (except for during the pandemic) I only attended two, the twentieth and the thirtieth.

At the twentieth, we were all approaching forty, not quite there yet. Most had children, were married, and in the formative years of a successful career. Education completed, except for some higher degrees, which sometimes came later and for others were not necessary or desired. Real estate was a hot topic. Everyone looked surprisingly like the last time we were together, back in the seventies.

The thirtieth was quite different. Now, with children who were approaching their own high school senior year, or with jobs or education still open to them. Getting together was a time of exchanging photos of our grown children, chatting about our jobs and what would come next in terms of promotions and IRAs, and side hobbies that were becoming more accessible, since children were growing or grown, or maybe even out of the house. Real estate still a hot topic as vacation houses were part of some accomplishments.

But this gathering was totally different. Now, we were gathering to honor a really good man who was no longer with us. In doing so we also mourned together those who had passed away in recent years. One friend brought the pewter mug of a friend who died about ten years ago, also quite suddenly, to represent him. It was an honorable gesture. This was a small group, which led to intimate and leisurely conversations and no pressure. During the evening I was struck at how different it was now, after forty seven years since graduation. Many of us are retired, those still working close to plans to never retire and some with plans to retire in other states, in various warmer climates, with lower taxes. Many grandchildren for some of us.

There was more time to just be together. There was more honesty. There was little ego and a lot of just knowing we are all lucky to be alive. There was time to remember some really good times, particularly with our friend whose life we were celebrating. No one said, ‘you look exactly the same’. It wouldn’t be true, but much like Hawthorne’s Dr. Heidegger’s Experiment, we still see each other as we were in the seventies with long flowing hair and glowing friendly faces.

Perhaps, the magic that happened that night was just going to happen anyway at such a get together. But for me having just gone through a trauma that was totally unexpected and will affect the rest of my life, I felt that this was a true celebration of all our lives. Successful people carry themselves tall. People all measure success differently. With two healthy adult sons and one disabled who lives in a hospital/group home, feeling unsuccessful comes into my psyche quite often. But this night I saw myself among my friends as a truly successful woman. One whose life is changing at the age of sixty five, for the best. No matter what comes next, I am ready for it, because I have friends who will always accept me. Friends who are successful, kind and compassionate, which is truly the success of life. And we have a lot of life left to live. Although you are gone, Art, you taught us many things and we will never forget you.